IN these cold and warm days of December when the weather does not want to decide, I have to day that's one of those SAD seasons. I don't know I've been dealing with feeling very tired. I think that it's the old fears again, but I remind myself that I've tested negative for a year, and I've been going to get tested for all this time and every time it has come out negative so I need to get it out of my head that it's HIV.
My fears really come from fears that have passed away but they have left scars. I can still fall into the meandering maze of my old fears but I have to remind myself that I'm over it, that I even wrote about it and that I have gone to get tested and plus it is very very rare to get HIV from oral sex reception.
Well, this scare has brought me closer to developing a more mature outlook about relationships and about sex, although I have always prided myself on being open minded and even advanced in sexual knowledge about sex. So I've been looking at a lot porn recently and again mixed with my new outlook about sex I realize that for me, at least, sex is extremely intimate act. None of this "I've just known you let's have anal sex." No, for me at least it's the challenge of finding a man that is into me and I into him. That is at least how my outlook is shaping my actions. I realize that through the Internet and hookup sites it is very easy to find sex, to have sex, and lots of sex at that. It is not so easy to find a person that is into you "sex-love" as Engels writes, and this is where the challenge comes in:find a guy who is all of this and I feel comfortable enough to have sex. Sex, is important, but not the first thing on my mind when it comes to a relationship.
All this to introduce my experiment. I've been sleeping with the windows open to be woken up by the sun and on this second day I've woken up at noon. I had a great start on the first day I woke up at 7 am and it felt like the longest day I've had in a long time.
Now the challenge is to go to bet at or before midnight. I will do it today, I've taken care of everything I need to take care just, just got up to write. So I got scared that I've feeling really tired and unusually tired but I will continue to do this for seven day at least to get my biorhythm on balance and in tune with the earth. The solstice is coming up and so I need to get ready for short days as are happening now. So after seven day, once my body goes through it's moods and cycles and gets in sync I'm not putting nay great judgement on anything my body does in terms of sleepiness, stress, tiredness, etc. Then I'll see how this all plays out. Which reminds me I need to get an HIV check again, although I have not been sexually active almost all year long, and going further than kissing it has been longer yet.
My fears really come from fears that have passed away but they have left scars. I can still fall into the meandering maze of my old fears but I have to remind myself that I'm over it, that I even wrote about it and that I have gone to get tested and plus it is very very rare to get HIV from oral sex reception.
Well, this scare has brought me closer to developing a more mature outlook about relationships and about sex, although I have always prided myself on being open minded and even advanced in sexual knowledge about sex. So I've been looking at a lot porn recently and again mixed with my new outlook about sex I realize that for me, at least, sex is extremely intimate act. None of this "I've just known you let's have anal sex." No, for me at least it's the challenge of finding a man that is into me and I into him. That is at least how my outlook is shaping my actions. I realize that through the Internet and hookup sites it is very easy to find sex, to have sex, and lots of sex at that. It is not so easy to find a person that is into you "sex-love" as Engels writes, and this is where the challenge comes in:find a guy who is all of this and I feel comfortable enough to have sex. Sex, is important, but not the first thing on my mind when it comes to a relationship.
All this to introduce my experiment. I've been sleeping with the windows open to be woken up by the sun and on this second day I've woken up at noon. I had a great start on the first day I woke up at 7 am and it felt like the longest day I've had in a long time.
Now the challenge is to go to bet at or before midnight. I will do it today, I've taken care of everything I need to take care just, just got up to write. So I got scared that I've feeling really tired and unusually tired but I will continue to do this for seven day at least to get my biorhythm on balance and in tune with the earth. The solstice is coming up and so I need to get ready for short days as are happening now. So after seven day, once my body goes through it's moods and cycles and gets in sync I'm not putting nay great judgement on anything my body does in terms of sleepiness, stress, tiredness, etc. Then I'll see how this all plays out. Which reminds me I need to get an HIV check again, although I have not been sexually active almost all year long, and going further than kissing it has been longer yet.
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